Unraveling.

Hah! so know what I just did.

Remember the knitting I was doing.

Well I just undid it all.  unraveled all of it (it was actually quite long).  Sitting on the plane to Philly (I’m enroute to England for Chirstmas), I unraveled it all!!!  Rolled it all back up in little balls to start all over again.   

The scarf I was knitting had a few glitches it was wider in some places than others and I needed more yarn to finish it.   And I just didn’t have a spare minute to go buy any more before I left.   

Clearly it wasn’t going to be finished for Christmas.

And clearly I still need to finess the fine art of knitting.

But you know, I was ok with it coming undone.   I was ok with unraveling it all and starting again. 

Trying again.

And sitting on the plane I was quite pleased to have my balls of yarn all neat and pretty - ready to be knitted once again.  I was ready to try again.   And then it was more than yarn and knitting (which I think the whole knitting business has been all along).   I was ok with coming undone - with unraveling during this holiday season (they are seeming to be a little rougher on the heart than I had anticipated this year) - I was ok with starting over.  I was ok with trying again.   

My friend said to me a couple months ago, I had more unraveling to do.   But I kept on knitting and trying and holding together.  (I wonder if I wasn’t working against the hand of God - but hey, we all like to hold together and keep on knitting).

Today though, it’s ok to come undone, to unravel and try again.   

Today it’s ok.

Today I’m ok. 

Today I’m on my way back to England.   And somehow, someday all shall be well.  All shall be as God intended - as God intends … the unraveling, the coming undone is just part of the journey.

one of my favorite things…

so one of my favorite things that I can’t seem to fully get my mind wrapped around - but perhaps that’s why it’s one of my favorite things … and it is certainly part of what I love about Advent …

Jesus is coming but Jesus is already here.

Isn’t that fantastic - God is always coming but he’s always already here.    

it’s brilliant. 

only God could come up with that one.   

only God could actually live that one out 

(not even Hermione Granger and Dumbledore can pull that one off - even with a Time Turner).   

it has to be true.

Gotta love my job: 

This morning we bought 25 tickets to see The Nativity Story for this evening.   

40 showed up.   

We arrive to buy more tickets. 

The show is sold out.

Thanks to the mercy of the manager, they sell us more tickets with no guarantee that we all might have seats - but still we have tickets.   After shuffling my sheep off to find seats, I discover I still had a family of 7 that without tickets.   

They buy tickets to the next show while we manage to get everyone else into a seat beside their friends in the theatre with their popcorn, cokes and candy.    We even manage to find seats for the family of 7 in the same theatre with everyone else.   (realizing that we could now added "seat management" to our job descriptions).   

Finally we sit down catching our breath and the last few minutes of the previews (i.e. we didn’t miss any of the movie - that never happens).   We had successfully navigated through another youth ministry nightmare.  And once again God illustrates the beauty he makes of our mess and our valiant attempts. 

But if that wasn’t enough for the evening, the music begins and we watch on big screen this story we all know by heart  - it’s plot; it’s characters; it’s climax; even it’s ending (though apparently the 3 magi were a little difficult to distinguish at the beginning of the film).  And it is this same story that still has some theologians and church folks arguing over the details and some as to whether it even happened at all. 

But as the credits roll up the screen and we stand up taking a deep breath, ready to gather the sheep from the corners of the theatre- David looks at me and says: it’s too beautiful - (I don’t care what they say )- it has to be true.   

God intervening.   God as a baby.   God coming to us. 

Not just Mary and Joseph’s story but our story.

God making beautiful the mess we have made.   

it’s so beautiful, it has to be true. 

as true today as it was 2000 years ago.   

(even with Gabriel looking like the Teen Angel from Grease).

You really gotta love what I do.   

Good Ol’ Christmas Carols

got a new slant on an old favorite this morning.

I was cleaning and faffing about the house; had one of Amy Grant ’s(my hero) Christmas Albums on - singing along, singing outloud as I often do within the walls of my own home.   

So I was belting out the beautiful prose:  "O Come let us adore him … O Come let us adore him … O Come.."  … and everyone knows that that’s the part you really belt out — it’s the part you sing loud — everyone does — it’s the climax of the hymn.   So I was doing my part to add the choirs of angels. 

Well the next thing I know Bugs is right beside me (he had been snoozing on his bed beside our charlie brown Christmas tree while watching me clean).  There he is sitting and looking up adoringly at me!  I was puzzled for a moment and then I realized.   

He too had heard the song.   those old faithful words … and he had "come."   

Got to love my Bugs!  I wish he was that faithful to that word when there’s food or squirrels around but this morning he got it.   

And I can’t help but wonder, If only we were as faithful this holy season in heeding the call to "come."

HAHAHAHAHA I’m almost perfect HAHAHAHAH

Thanks Ali for the link — I’m highly amused! 

Almost Perfect- INFP 26% Extraversion, 60% Intuition, 46% Thinking, 46% Judging

So, you want to make the world a better place? Too bad it’s never gonna happen. Of all the types, you have to be one of the hardest to find fault in. You have a selfless and caring nature. You’re a good listener and someone who wants to avoid conflict. You genuinely desire to do good. Of course, these all add up to an incredibly overpowered conscience which makes you feel guilty and responsible when anything goes wrong. Of course, it MUST be your fault EVERYTIME. Though you’re constantly on a mission to find the truth, you have no use for hard facts and logic, which is a source of great confusion for those of us with brains. Despite this, in a losing argument, you’re not above spouting off inaccurate fact after fact in an effort to protect your precious values. You’re most probably a perfectionist, which in this case, is a bad thing. Any group work is destined to fail because of your incredibly high standards. Disregard what I said before. You’re just easy to find fault in as everyone else! Luckily, you’re generally very hard on yourself, meaning I don’t need to waste my precious time insulting you. Instead, just find all your own faults and insult yourself. ***************** If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this. ***************** The other personality types are as follows… Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Crackpot - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

This test tracked 4 variables. How the score compared to the other people’s:

	Higher than 15% on Extraversion
	Higher than 39% on Intuition
	Higher than 32% on Thinking
	Higher than 43% on Judging

Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on Ok Cupid

Somebody’s Birthday Today

and yes Aunty Sally did make the rainbow cake.   Aunty Sally is quite pleased with herself.  As was Janey.   

she didn’t really get the whole present gift thing. 

next year though she’ll be all over it, I’m sure.

a charlie brown christmas

ummm nope that is not trick photography.

ummm yes it is a little off-kilter; a little crooked .. it’s leans a bit.

ummm yes that really is how big it is.   

and ummm yes that is my Christmas tree.

I didn’t want a big one.   a little one will do just fine.   It actually has more branches on it than I was originally looking for.   I loved Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree.   I loved it’s heart - his heart. 

my little tree. 

I think big things are over-rated in life in general anyway. 

it really is the little things that make a difference.  and it is the little things, like little trees that help us through the holidays.

HOLD THE PHONE

   

"Hold the Phone!

Turn Back Here. 

Sally, Turn Back Here." 

-Sam in my office yesterday morning.

I have to admit it is one of the more amusing responses to what I came back with from Alaska.   But you know yesterday I even told my Grandma, and she was all for it.  Granted I asked her to imagine first those beautiful princessess from India and the little diamonds they have in their nose (as opposed to the alternative: Grandma I got my nose piereced. And allowing her to produce images in her mind far from the reality of my nose).  Christy got one, too (that would be the other nose in the photo)

So In Sum:

what: a little diamond stud in my nose (it’s 1.5 mm to be precise).  a beauty mark of sorts

why: I just needed to do something to mark the passing of the year.  And it’s hard to hide from your "sparkle"  when you’re wearing it on your nose 

what does it mean: The past two years haven’t killed all the "sparkle;" all the life in me.  And so I’m wearing the sparkle out and about.   Nelson Mandella said that it’s not our darkness we fear but our light …. 

finally, my disclaimer: to all my little ones out there …. when you’re 21 (I’ve finally found a perk to being 33yrs old) and know what you want; why you want and what it means (and it’s tasteful, tactful,subtle and pretty) then I’ll go with you, until then, dont’ even ask your parents! 

(incidentally Grandma said yesterday that she bought herself a new sparkly top for her all Christmas do’s - I don’t think she’s ever worn sparkly anything, granted she has a more active social life at 81 than I do -  I told her we’d look great together on Christmas Day between my nose and her top!)

my lunch date

Miss Janey Grace!

I’ve got to get crackin’ on her birthday cake.

She’s 1 on Tuesday.

Flowers.

So many flowers this week.  Flowers at church.  Flowers at home.  Something beautiful to mark the beauty of life.   Something beautiful to try ease us through the ugliness of loss and the pain of death.   

I love flowers.   Especially lillies because you can smell them as soon as you walk into the room.   I was so excited when a friend sent flowers the other week to remind that she was thinking of me as I moved through the year mark.   And then one of my boys showed up to a dinner party with flowers sent my his mum.   

Flowers.  Life.  Beauty.  Death. 

I finally just now broke down and threw them away.  They had past their sell-by-date probably by several days and no longer brought comfort - they had all dried up. 

As much as I love flowers - it drives me crazy cause they die.  And sure you can buy the fake ones that will last and last and last … but it doesn’t quite do it for me … it’s not the same, there isn’t the depth as with fresh cut flowers.   And even with as perfect as they look … there’s something just not quite as beautiful about them because they’re not real … they’re not alive. 

It seems I’ve spent the best part of the last two weeks thinking about life and death; beauty and pain; love and loss.   To little new travail.   

But as I threw the flowers away (and the dried petals and leaves went everywhere) , I smiled remembering my brother after mum’s memorial service … he wanted to plant the altar flowers so they’d keep on growing and living.

We’re just not wired to let go, it seems.  Who wants to let go of something beautiful, comforting.  We want to remember, we want to hold onto what was.   And who can blame us.  I waited a good three days or so to throw away those silly flowers - waited until I absolutely had to. 

But the reality is that flowers once they’ve been cut, are dying anyway - even with all the beauty and perfume they bring to our worlds.  I don’t like it.  But it is.   

And so a year has passed.   I’ve thrown the flowers away. But still cleaning up their remnants scattered all over my carpet.  Living with a little more hope for what is yet to be.

As it was.

As it is.

As it will be.