Truth.

It’s all around me this week. 

Truth is hard to speak.

It may be even harder to hear.

Some resist it.

Some hide from it.

Some deny it.

Some fear it.

But even still some speak it anyway.

Even when it hurts. 

Because only then can healing begin.

Jesus says that you will know the TRUTH and the TRUTH will set you free.

So tonight I take a deep breath, swallow hard and say, "so be it"

Let us know the truth.

So we can start to heal.

And so we can be free.

So we can be free.

Amen. Amen.

What Matters

Today I had the honor of leading a training session for the Mountain TOP summer staff.   

I’m still amazed even after all these years, how whatever I am leading or teaching on is usually exactly what I, too needed to be reminded of. 

Today, I was reminded of what matters.  what matters in life.  And what matters to God.

The physical does indeed matter.

At the heart of the physical is the spiritual says the founded of the Iona Community.

It’s the theology and power of the Incarnation being played over and over again in our daily lives 2000 years later.  It’s the story of creation, the story of "Ruach" - the story of life being breathed into us - the Spirit being breathed into us by our Maker. 

The physical matters spiritually.

The space we live in.

The space we work in.

The clothes we wear.

Our posture.

Our state of health.

The world around us.   

The physical does matter.   Because it is in the physical that God dwells.   It is the physical that carries God to this world.    We like Mary are God-bearers,  Theotokos in Greek.

But it matters not because our outward appearance defines who we are?  not because the physical is what defines our worth.   But the physical matters because it is the outward sign highlights  God’s presence within.   It is the stained glass on the window - it doesn’t change the light, it just makes it more beautiful.    

The physical matters because it is the outward sign of our inward life with God.   because it is expresses the Spirit of God within.   

Sunsets draw us closer to God because they are beautiful.    Beauty gets our attention.   Beauty draws us closer to God.  The beach, the ocean, the stars, the mountains, the ….  (fill in the blank) express the beauty of God. 

And so do we.   

Our bodies, our appearance, our outward movements express the beauty of God.   That beauty may look different.   But it’s still beauty.   And hence it matters.   Not in the same way that it matters to this world.   But the physical does matter.  And it matters to God.  And therefore taking care of myself, taking care of my home, taking care of my body, taking care of creation matters to me.

I Cor 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

As uncomfortable and as squeemish as it may make us.  As abused and missued as the concept has been in this world.   The physical does matter.   It matters to God. 

 

   

Looks.

so my hair is straight maybe 4 times a year.  That would be when my hairdresser straightens it.   I’m amused with it for about 24 hours then I can’t deal with it anymore and usually go stick my head under a faucet. 

I look a little different with straight hair.  Even Bob did a double take this morning when he walked passed my office - I figure it has to look drastically different if even Bob notices.   As I said it’s amusing for about 24 hours.

So last night I went to dinner to celebrate Brenda’s birthday.  I walked in a little late with my straight hair.   And the funniest thing happened: my brother didn’t recognize me.  BUT my 18 month old neice did.   As my brother was still working out that it was me, my neice stretched out her arms to me and grinned. Janey Grace always makes my day.   

This morning though I realized something significant- she recognized me not because of what I looked like but because of the sound of my voice.    

How cool is that.   She at 18 months old lives by faith in a way that the rest of us "older" folks seem to fail at most of the time at.   

We become so reliant on what we can see, what we can understand, what is clear.   That we forget to listen: We forget to listen to our lives, our hearts and our bodies. We forget to listen to the ryhthms of creation that surroud us. And all too often I think we forget to listen beyond the words we speak to each other. 

We forget to listen for that familiar still, small voice that echoes ceaselessly through this world. 

But Janey listened.  Janey listened and knew it was me before my brother recognized me.   And then she came to me.  If only I was so adept to listen and to come.

My sheep know my voice, and I know them. They follow me…   -John 10:27

 

time to blog

Quickest way to tell how much I’m working or how nutty life is, look at how long it’s been since I’ve posted.   

But today I found time to blog.

Granted I’m sitting in the hair salon with pieces of silver foil in my hair, waiting for those drops of jupiter to line my locks.   So of course I’m multi-tasking.   But hey, there’s a computer in here, why not?

Why not? because I’m on the computer all day.   I receive and send emails constantly, I search for this and that, I create, I write, last week I did little but play with photo’s — My eyes are on a screen most of my day.   And recently with some regularity at night as well. 

I have this friend who gives me a hard time about how much time I spend looking at  a computer screen.  In someways he echoes the words of my Grandma …  "you’ll go blind if you keep looking at that screen."    There’s probably more truth to that than what’s on the surface.

At least I’m really thinking about it  - Why would I want to take the one and a half hours that I’ve actually dedicated to me and spend some of it on the computer? 

It’s crazy.   But here I am typing away looking at the screen.   

I think though, I’m going to choose to not be here anymore…

I think might choose to go blind in different way for a change.

I think I’m gonna read a magazine - or at least look at some good pictures.   

I think I’m just going to sit.   

I think I’m going to do what I’ve been longing to do all week: breathe.

I promise

and some people say God doesn’t write on the wall anymore.   He wrote across the sky this morning.

When In Rome - The…

Plans

Everyone has plans on Mother’s Day it seems.   So I too, was going to have a plan, mum or no mum.

Yesterday I had plans. 

I baked a cake on Saturday (two actually).   She was proud.   I come from a long-line of bakers.

I made a donation to the homeless shelter in Cincinnait where both she and Dad at different times had resided.

And I was going to cook.  Cook for a friend. She loved to cook!  I can only imagine the plates on the banquet table she’s prepared already.   

But then I drove home from church, wiped out and somehow all my plans didn’t really matter.   Because no call (and believe me I called everyone I could think of) could silence the haunting of the one call I wanted most to make but couldn’t. 

So much for plans.   Almost 4 years later, the hole is still there as with the tears that fill it.

Bonhoeffer says … Nothing can fill the gap when we are away from those we love and it would be wrong to try to find anything. Since leaving the gap unfilled preserves the bond between Us. It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap. God does not fill the gap but keeps it empty, so that our communion with another may be kept alive even at the cost of pain.

So I’m not sure that even my best of plans (and I love a good plan) will ever fill the hole.   I’m not so sure that I really want them too either.   

But my plans?  they still did some good. 

good for the discouraged. 

good for friends.   

And honestly, still good, for me.   

 

Balance.

Balance.  it’s the trick.  It’s the trade?

It’s needed - so very very needed.

I know this.   I’m working on this.   I’m trying - really trying at balance.   I may not have arrived yet at living the balanced life (has anyone, though? minus those who have taken vows to live cloistered?)

Despite my failings, I will say that I think Benedict was proud on Saturday - because even still, even in my see-saw, overly full world, I stopped and I played!  Perhaps at the expense of some rest and sleep (other things necessary in the balanced life) but still I get some points, I played!  And it was good!

I baked.   Then we sang, in measure and rhyme far beyond the traditional birthday melody. 

and it was good.  It really was as if God was creating something new all over again.

It’s crazy how it took my person’s birthday to make me play.

But then again maybe that’s why persons are so essential to life.  maybe it’s why God calls us to have persons around and nearby and messed up in our overly complicated days and ways.   

maybe in part it’s because they are living reminders of what’s really important. 

And they help keep our lives in balance.

Thanks dear persons of mine- all of you.

Before and After

Clearly I have much more to say about last week’s residency for Sursum Corda. 

But alas also clearly, I’m not there anymore, I’m here.   

I am definitely back.   

Definitely here. 

The to-do lists seems even fuller than before I left - definitely as much if not more on the plate this week than.   It’s been  pedal-to-the-floor, full-steam-ahead since I got off the plane late Saturday night.

My favorite part to this week though is that the great folks of Sursum Corda put on our calendar that this week we should schedule time for reflection and rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   a "gentle re-entry experience."   I laugh.  They know we laugh.  I think actually they laugh, too.   I look at this week and I laugh — anything but!  Great student, I am 

You know, although the to-do list , the calendar and the email seem to be unsurmountable (for everything answered or crossed off, another fills its place); work may be as crazy as ever, but I realized something yesterday.   I’m different.  I’m not crazy in it all.   the to-do list, post-its, emails and calendar might be crazy, but I’m not.   I’m still holding on to what really matters; what’s real; what’s important.   I’m ok in the craziness.

Before the residency, life was crazy and I was crazy.

After the residency, life is still crazy but life is good. 

And I am good.

may God who has begun this good work in me bring it to completion  (and let it stick )

   

pay attention to me.

so one of my favorite stories from university is that of my bestest friend Christy jumping on her bed while her room mate was on the phone.  She jumped up and down, up and down, saying ‘pay attention to me.  pay attention to me.’   

that’s how I find the world or thats how I find God in this world.   At every corner, through every sunset, under every starry sky, in every nook and cranny, I find God jumping up and down saying ‘pay attention to me, pay attention to me. pay attention to me who loves you and knows you and walks with you.’

and so I spend my days looking, seeking, finding, taking notice and paying attention to the grandeur, the beauty, the intricacies, the creativity and the joy of God found in this world.   My holy quest. 

But today was different.   Today blew me away.   

Because today in my holy escapade to the crab-dock and along the beach, what I found was God paying attention to me.   

Through the dolphins, four deer and a tiny little lizard,  the God of the entire universe, the God who made me, who redeems me, who calls me, who loves me, who names me and who knows me, paid attention to me, over and over and over again.

what a sweet find.

I really wish I could bring the dolphins home with me tomorrow.

seriously

so the dolphins are pretty darn cool.  seriously cool.

yesterday after dinner, there was the fox that I had a staring contest with - he won.  seriously amazing

But today —    seriously unbelievable!      

So we had our normal hour off in the afternoon and I’m walking the beach, today looking for shells.  I wanted a conch shell - a small one to bring home.  well I soon discovered that most of them seriously have little friends living in them and since I didn’t really want to serve any eviction notices, I opted to leave them in the sand.   

But then I came across one moving - seriously, I did .. this tiny little conch shell was slowly creeping back towards the waves.   It was like that scene in Toy Story when all the toys are trying to cross the street under the orange cones?   move a few feet, drop the cone, move a few feet , drop the cone- except in this case it was inches and a shell.   IT WAS SO COOL, seriously.  my little friend was trying to get back to the sea while carrying his house on his back.   seriously unbelievable. seriously heavy, I would guess. 

   

And if that was not cool enough ….(I know seriously)  I then found this enormous conch shell - HUGE. seriously, seriously huge.  Never seen one so big.  I was so excited.  But a bit wiser at this point since I had learned to not be so quick to pick up shells on this beach - so I did a bit of investigating from afar and what do you know it was alive!!!! seriously! 

Something seriously big and orange was kinda moving around and protruding out of it.   Life in a shell.   Life moving from a shell.   

and seriously just to wonder - God made this orangemembranelittlecreature and me — what talent?  what creativity?   seriously.